I hate the faces on a pain scale. As a kid, I could never relate to these pain scales. It told me if I was at an 8, I should be crying. Well… I was at an 8, and I was not crying. In fact, other than the inability to walk, I probably looked like a 3 :) on the pain scale. This reigns true for me even more today. Over the years, I have gained a high pain tolerance and the ability to conceal the feelings stemming from my pain. When you experience pain on a daily basis, you can’t cry every time you hurt, otherwise you would be living in a pool of tears.

Today marks my 10 year anniversary of living with Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. In the past couple of years, it’s been difficult for me to digest that I have been living with CRPS for so long and realizing that I have such a long road ahead of me doesn’t make it any easier. Thinking about the future is quite daunting. It is the unknown, that at times, is scary to say the least. I don’t know if the pain will get better, if the pain will get worse, or if the pain will spread.

The other day I saw a video of a woman who suffers from CRPS explaining her journey and her feelings towards everything she has experienced. She, like many people who suffer from CRPS, grieve the past life they once had and, in their minds, can no longer get back. It is a painful process. CRPS flips your life upside down, and I think the change is so drastic your life can seem unrecognizable.

In November of 2022, I decided I wanted to give back to the people who gave me so much for CRPS Awareness month. I gave back to the Cleveland Clinic Children’s Hospital (CC) as a thank you for teaching me how to cope with my pain and learn how to walk again. I invited my community to make fleece blankets for the children at the Cleveland Clinic Pain Management and Rehabilitation Program in hopes of giving these kids a sense of comfort and love during such a trying time in their lives.